


What's your flavour

by sweet_mysterie



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Funny, Gay Niall, Humor, M/M, One Shot, entertaining, new zealand rugby, rugby au, rugby player !liam, ziam
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-04-20
Updated: 2013-04-20
Packaged: 2017-12-08 23:30:32
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,408
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/767355
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sweet_mysterie/pseuds/sweet_mysterie
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This is a Rugby AU inspired one shot, where Liam is a professional rugby player in NZ who Zayn happens to be just a little bit in love with. Throw in Louis, gay Niall and a well connected Harry and see the mess, hilarity and choas that ensues when all the boys happen to be in the same place at the same time.</p>
            </blockquote>





	What's your flavour

**Author's Note:**

> Just some context, Super rugby, is a club competition played by teams from New Zealand, South Africa and Australia. The Blues are a team from Auckland, New Zealand. And the Sonny Bill incident really did happen in the 2011 rugby world cup opening match, where he had to change his jersey in the middle of the field in the middle of the match. This is a picture of what happened during the match and this is him in all his shirtless glory.
> 
> Also, I based Louis and Niall on 2 guys I know, who actually do use Louis' line in the story.
> 
> Enjoy!

“Hurry up Zayn, you’re going to miss the start of the match!” Louis yelled

“What?! No!! Can’t you pause it?”

“No! How many times do I have to tell you, there’s no point in paying to have live sport when you don’t watch it live!”

“You and your stupid logic!” Zayn yelled exasperatedly at his friend from the kitchen of the small flat they shared. “Can't you pause it for 10 seconds? I’m trying to get the beers and snacks you wanted!”

“No!” was Louis’ stubborn reply

“Fuck it” Zayn muttered to himself, before throwing everything he was trying to grab in their fruit basket and running back to the lounge.

“Oh you fucker!” Zayn shouted at Louis when he got to the lounge, only to find the game was nowhere close to starting, they were only showing the pre-match warm up.

Louis looked up at his friend from his position on the couch “Uhh, what the fuck are you doing with our fruit basket?”

Zayn glared down at Louis and threw the basket at him “Someone made me get all the beer and snacks and then lie about the game starting.”

Louis grinned and pulled out a beer “Wonder who would do such a thing.”

~~

“Man that was a great game!” Louis said after the post match interviews were done.

“Mmm” Zayn hummed in response, not taking his eyes off the half time changing room shots that were currently replaying across the screen.

Louis chuckled “I really don’t think they’re going to show Payne half naked there, he’s never taken off those skins he always wears.”

“He has to take them off at some point!” Zayn grumbled.

“It’s not going to be like the 2011 world cup, where your boy Sonny Bill took got half naked on the field for the world to see.” Louis laughed.

Zayn turned his attention away from the screen to glare at Louis “one, Sonny Bill is definitely not my boy and two, I can dream can’t I?”

Louis cackled at Zayn’s expression “That’s right, I forget, you only have eyes for the darling boy of Super rugby, currently the best full back in world that is Liam Payne. Aren’t you glad I convinced you that New Zealand was the place to spend our gap year?” Louis said, a smug expression on his face “Without me, you’d still be back home, none the wiser about your Mr Payne.”

“I would still know about him!” Zayn said indignantly.

Louis looked at him, eyebrow raised “Oh really?”

“Ok fine, maybe not, but I would have eventually. I mean he’s going to get called up for the English side this year for sure and then I would have discovered him.” Zayn countered.

“That’s no guarantee.” Louis said “Though he was born back home, he’s live here more than half his life. What if he gets selected for the All Blacks? Do you really think he’d turn that down? “

“Well there was that interview he did with The Daily Mail where he said he’s always considered himself British.”

“Guess we’ll find out?” Louis replied. “Come now, I told gay Niall we’d meet him at the bar after the game.”

“Why do you have to call him gay Niall?” Zayn questioned as he picked himself up off the couch.

“Because that’s who he is!”  
  
“You don’t call me gay Zayn though.”  Zayn countered, grabbing his jacket off the back of a chair.

Louis rolled his eyes, reaching to for the keys “That’s cos you’re bisexual and bisexual Zayn doesn’t have the same ring to it as gay Niall.”

“You’re crazy, you know that?”

~~

“Gay Niall!” Louis shouted as he spotted Niall outside the bar.

“Louis”

“Hey Niall” Zayn nodded at the other guy.

“Zayn! Long time no see!” Niall smiled widely in greeting.

“Hey! Where is my nice enthusiastic greeting??” Louis complained.

Both Niall and Zayn exchanged a fond look before pushing Louis in to the bar.

“So guys, why are we here instead of the usual?” Niall asked as the three of them leant against the bar, waiting for a bar tender to come take their order.

Louis shrugged, “Zayn knows a guy here and I thought why not.”

Niall looked at Zayn, waiting for his version of the story

“ _We_ know a guy who bartends here sometimes. He works with us during the day, he recommended the place.” Zayn explained.

“Right right” Niall said “I......”

“Oh here he comes!” Louis cut off Niall, a cheeky glint in his eye as he watched a curly haired bartender head over to them.  “Wait for it...” he whispered to Zayn who just rolled his eyes and waved at the bartender.

As soon as he reached them Louis grinned and said “Hey, Harry! I’m straight Louis, this here is gay Niall, what’s your flavour?”

Harry the bartender laughed good naturedly, whilst Zayn levelled his friend with a disbelieving stare.  
“Really Lou, really? Please don’t tell me that was the reason why you dragged us all the way into town tonight instead of going our local pub.”

“No?” Louis replied, the beginnings of a pout growing on his face.

“Mate that was brilliant!” Harry said “How long have you been waiting to use that line?”

“Umm bout 2 weeks” Louis replied, pout turning in to a pleased grin.

“Niall?” Harry turned to face him “Nice to meet you, I’m I don’t give a fuck about sexuality Harry.”

Niall grinned, “I like this one already” he said to no one in particular. “Lets get some drinks!”

~~

As the night wore on, Harry split his time between the refilling drinks for the 3 boys and attempting to serve other patrons, which Louis kept telling him to give up on.

“Harry!!!!” Louis yelled as he saw Harry make his way back over to the side of the bar they were on “Can you please stop topping up gay Niall’s beer.”

Harry looked to Zayn, for an explanation, but he simply shrugged and took another gulp of his beer. “Uhh, why?” Harry said slowly, “Niall doesn’t seem drunk.”

“Takes a lot more than 8 beers to get me drunk baby.” Niall grinned before downing the rest of his beer.

“He may not be drunk, but the more this one drinks, the more rapey he gets!” Louis said, whilst attempting to extricate himself from Niall’s grasp to emphasise his point.

Zayn looked at the two and sighed, “Not this again” he muttered. “Guys I’m going to the bathroom.”

Harry, being the only one paying attention, nodded before tuning in to Niall and Louis again.

“I should call you rapey Niall!!” Louis said, trying to remove Niall, who had reattached himself.

Harry rose his eyebrows at the two “You know, Louis, it’s not rape, its surprise sex!”

Louis and Niall paused their actions and starred at Harry.

“Ha!!   I like this one Lou” Niall exclaimed, grinning widely at Harry.

“Oh dear God. Do not encourage him!” Louis cried.

Before Harry could say anything else, a group of men started calling his name, a bit further down the bar.

“Ah, sorry, I’ll be right back boys.” Harry said. “Carry on.

Louis looked over at who was calling him and gasped in surprise “Wait, is that Liam Payne and his team mates from The Blues?!?”

Harry chuckled at the look on Louis’ face “It sure is. They always come here after a match to wind down.”

“Oh Zayn is going to flip his shit when he gets back, he’s in love with Payne!” Louis said to Niall as they both watched Harry walk over the players.

“Mmm, he is yummy.” Niall replied, not taking his eyes off the group of rugby players.

“Who’s yummy?” Zayn asked, “The line for the toilets was fucking long! What did I miss?”

“Oh just the arrival of Liam Payne and a couple of his team mates from The Blues” Louis replied flippantly before stepping back and waiting for the reaction he knew was coming.

“WHAT?! Where???” Zayn yelled, scaring an older couple who had been standing next to them, before clearing his throat. “I mean, oh really?” his voice a good few decibels lower than before.

“Woah! You ok there Zayn?” Niall asked, tentatively placing a hand on Zayn’s shoulder.

“Oh come here, gay Niall and let me tell you a story.” Louis pulled Niall off Zayn and to his side. “You have yet to meet this Zayn, this Zayn is not cool and aloof, this Zayn is completely 100% obsessed with a certain rugby player, a certain rugby player who happens to be standing about 5 meters away from us.”  Louis calmly explained to Niall.  

 “5 meters??” Zayn squeaked. “Where??”

Louis merely pointed over his shoulder, not bothering to turn in their direction.

 “Louis! He is right there! He actually looks really good in person.” Zayn was near swooning.

“Harry!” Louis yelled, choosing to ignore Zayn.  

Hearing his name, Harry made his way back over with a smile.

“Wanna introduce us to your other friends? Zayn here is in love with Payne.” Louis said with a large cheeky grin.

Zayn turned back to Louis and gaped at him. “I’m not in love with him!”  He said as he whacked Louis on the shoulder.

Harry shrugged “I can introduce you if you want. Might even get you box tickets to the next game.”

“Ohh take the tickets Zayn, take the tickets!” Niall said “I wanna watch hot sweaty guys playing with balls!”

“Ugh, Niall, that’s disgusting!” Louis spat, his face contorted in disgust.

Harry levelled Niall with an odd look, half intrigued, half amused. “Babe, I kinda want to know what sports you’ve been watching. But I’ll see what I can do, Liam’s been trying to give me tickets all season, but I’ve never had anyone to take before.”  

Zayn stared after Harry in amazement “ All season? Lou did you hear that?” Zayn turned to Louis “ Liam has been offering Harry tickets all season? Why didn’t we know about this?”

Louis shrugged, “I dunno. Oh by the way, your gay is showing?”

“Ugh, you know what, screw you, I’m going to disown you. Gay Niall is going to be my new best friend!”

“Take him!” Louis said, trying to shove a still clingy Niall off “Please! I’ll give him to you for free!”

Zayn laughed at Louis’ futile attempts to get Niall off. “I said gay Niall, mate, rapey Niall is all yours.”

Niall grinned up at Louis “Hear that, I’m all yours babe” he said, wiggling his eyebrows suggestively.

“Dear God! Zayn, remind me why we take him out drinking with us?”

“Becasuse he is a babe magnet?”

The three boys turned back to the bar to find Harry had returned.

“You know it!” Niall winked at Harry, “I bring all the girls to your yard.”   

 “So....?” Louis looked at Harry expectantly, wisely choosing to ignore Niall’s attempts at sexiness.

“Sorry guys, couldn’t get you tickets, but Liam does say hi. Oh and I might have mentioned that you guys are big fans.” Harry added.

Zayn balked, at Harry’s words “Why would you do that?

“Umm cos it’s true?” Harry looked at Zayn confusedly “You are big fans aren’t you?”

“Of course he is.” Louis answered for him “He just thinks he’s too cool for things like having a massive crush on a hot rugby player.”

“It’s not a crush!” Zayn growled. “He’s just..... aesthetically pleasing?” Zayn finished weakly.

Niall giggled, “Oh I bet he pleases your aesthesis.”

“You guys are hopeless!!” Zayn dropped his empty beer bottle on the bar and turned, ready to escape for a smoke, only to be met with a faceful of none other than Liam Payne.

 “Umm hi..?” Zayn stuttered out.

“Hi” Liam smiled shyly “Haz said you lot were fans?  I feel bad I can’t offer box tickets so I thought I’d come say hi instead.”

Zayn stood, starring at the man he’d been drooling over ever since he got to New Zealand and discovered the amazing species that was the New Zealand rugby player. New Zealand rugby players were so different to the ones back home. The English players were either the overly proper, upper class man type or too much like the male cast of the Geordie Shore to interest him. The New Zealand players on the other hand, were to him, the perfect mix of rugged farmer and hot chiselled model.  Liam Payne had caught his eye the second he arrived in the country; his face was plastered on the wall of the arrival hall, along with Daniel Carter, Richard Kahui and other Super rugby stars.  Zayn was jolted out of his trip down memory lane by a sharp elbow to his ribs, an elbow that he had no doubt belonged to Louis. When he did nothing but give Louis an evil glare, Louis sighed and pushed him out of the way.

“Hi, nice to meet, you, I’m straight Louis, this here,” Louis tugged Niall forward “is gay Niall and the hunk of silent, broody looking, sexy man slut there is Zayn. ”

Zayn groaned, “Really Louis, really?” he said, seriously contemplating slamming face first in to the bar.

Liam stared silently at the trio, eyes darting between them before settling on Louis,  “Umm, hi straight Louis?” Liam nodded to Louis who just smiled in return.

 “Hi gay Niall?” He directed at Niall, who grinned and replied with a cheeky “they call me that for a reason babe.”

“And, umm Zayn?” Liam this time turned to where Zayn had been standing, only to find him missing. Liam asked his brow furrowed in confusion, not realising the other man had disappeared.

“Yes Zayn and don’t worry, he’s fine, probably overwhelmed by your, well, everything” Louis gestured at Liam’s entirety. “Gay Niall, why don’t you go check on him? He’s probably slipped out for a smoke or something.”

Niall sighed and rolled his eyes, “Why can’t you go find him?”

“Because me and Payne here are going to get well acquainted, aren’t we Payne?”

Liam looked at Louis warily, before blurting out, “Wait, was it supposed to be gay Louis and straight Niall? Did I get it wrong?”

Louis looked put out and attempted to glare at Liam to the best of his ability, which to be honest wasn’t very much, whilst Niall cackled.

 “Ok mate, you have fun getting to know gay Louis here, Ima check up on our friend smokey out there.” Niall said, as he clapped Liam on the back, before heading to the exit.

“Before we go any further in this relationship, I need you to know one thing.” Louis’ tone was serious as he motioned for Liam to come closer.

Liam edged forward slightly eyes darting between Louis and Harry who was making his way over with another round.

Louis noticed Liam’s gaze, “Curly will not be saving you here mate.” He said his tone surprisingly even.

Liam sighed and leaned in closer to Louis “Ok, what do I have to know?”

“Do not let that Irish cunt fool you, I am most definitely straight Louis and don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.”

Liam leaned back, at looked at Louis, not quite sure how to respond. “Umm ok? So well, it was nice meeting you definitely straight Louis, can you pass on the sentiments to uhhh gay Niall and your other friend?”

Louis laughed, “Liam, Liam, Liam, you’re not getting away from me just yet.” He said as he slug an arm around Liam’s shoulders.

~~

Zayn had slipped outside with every intention of heading home, but the only thing stopping him was the knowledge that he would never hear the end of it from Louis. He knew that if he slipped away, Louis would be referring to the ‘Payne incident’ for the rest of his life, so with that in mind, Zayn settled for lighting up a smoke and chilling on the bench conveniently placed in front of the bar.

“Hey yo smokey!”

Zayn sighed, wishing his friends would leave him to wallow in peace sometimes.

“Yes gay Niall?”

“Oh wow, ok someone’s in a bit of a mood!” Niall said as he flopped himself next to Zayn on the bench.

 Zayn looked over at his friend, curling his upper lip and just shrugged.

“So, since you’re in such a chatty mood, why don’t you tell me why you’re out here, when that rugby super god you fancy is in there probably getting scared shitless by Louis?”

“Ugh, no” Zayn moaned “Why you would leave him with Louis?? “

“Well,” Niall said as he slapped Zayn on the shoulder “Because you decided to run out here and Louis reckoned I’d rape Liam if I stayed, as if by the way, he is not my cut of meat if you know what I mean, too much muscle, probably not enough sausage. But I digress.”

Zayn flicked away his cigarette before throwing his head in his hands. “Why is he so pretty?? And tall and perfectly well proportioned?? And why the fuck am I swooning?!”

Niall laughed “Mate you’re gayer than me and you’re not even properly gay, you’re such a fake gay!”

Zayn lifted his head slightly to stare incredulously at Niall “That did not make any sense!! And you are not helping! Go back in there and send Louis out!”

Niall stood up, “Yeh ok, I don’t know why I came out in the first place, I'm useless at this stuff. Sorry mate.” He said with a small smile “I think I need more alcohol for this.....”

 

~~

After waiting for Louis for an eternity, Zayn began to feel cold and a little bored, so he decided to bite the bullet and head back inside. To his surprise he saw Niall and Louis still by the bar and still talking to Liam.

 As soon as Louis saw him, he grinned manically and shouted over “Zayn!!! Nice of you to finally join us again!”

Zayn levelled his friend with a glare “I told Niall to send you out.”

Hearing his words Niall had the grace to blush sheepishly “Oops, sorry man, I got distracted. Playing rugby really does give you a nice ass!” He said, pointing over his shoulder where some over Liam’s team mates were standing. “ It’s like they’re all shouting ‘fuck me’ over there.”

Louis’ face contorted in to one of mock shock “Gay Niall that there is so sexually inappropriate!”

“Umm how is that sexually inappropriate?”

The boys turned to Liam, varying looks of amusement and awe on their faces.

“What?” he asked “That isn’t really sexually inappropriate, it’s just inappropriate in general.”

“Oh my God that is brilliant!” Zayn exclaimed, turning to Liam. “I’m sorry for my friends by the way. Niall normally isn’t like this, but when he’s drunk he”

“Get’s rapey and _sexually_ inappropriate!” Louis interrupted, sending Liam a pointed glare.

Before Liam or Zayn could react, they were interrupted by a girl wearing the brightest fluro yellow dress. She stood smiling softly at the boys “Hi, I’m sorry to interrupt. But I just thought you were really cute.”

The boys looked between each other, wondering who she was talking to.

“I’m sorry, you’re talking to this famous guy yeh?” Louis asked pointing to Liam.

The girl shook her head “I’m sorry, I don’t know who he is. I was talking to him.” She said, smiling coyly as she pointed to Niall.

“Me? He asked incredulously “Sorry babe, but we bark up the same tree.” Niall said, wiggling his eyebrows at Louis.

Louis immediately stepped forward and slung an arm around the girl’s small shoulders.

“Babe, let me help you.  The man you so fancy, is actually my mate gay Niall” Niall waggled his fingers at the girl. “and I’m his friend straight Louis, so how about we buy you a drink and you can get the best of both worlds?”

The girl giggled at Louis and nodded eagerly.

“Come gay Niall, let us buy this lovely lady a drink and get to know here better!”  Louis said, extending his other arm to Niall.

Niall saluted Liam and Zayn with his beer before heading off with Louis and the girl.

Zayn shook his head at his friend’s antics, used to Niall and Louis playing tag team.

“Oh my gosh! That actually worked?!” Liam was still staring after Niall and Louis “How the actual fuck?”

Zayn laughed at the look of pure amazement and shock on Liam’s face. “Yeh those two are something. You’d be surprised how much action they get, both male and female. Don’t ask me how though, I'm just as confused as you.”

Liam sighed “I think I need some game!”

“Trust me; you of all people do not need game.” Zayn said, the words slipping out of his mouth before he could stop them.

“Yeh?” Liam asked, drawing the word out.

Zayn nodded mutely, keeping his eyes firmly on a drop of condensation rolling down a beer bottle sitting on the bar.

“Thanks?”

Feeling Liam edge closer, Zayn torn his glaze away from the condensation, only to find himself focusing instead on the oddly shaped birth mark on Liam’s neck. “Welcome” he said softly

“You know,” Liam said, as he leant in closer to Zayn, “Louis might have mentioned a certain fact that leads me to believe you’re not telling me I have game just to make me feel better.”

“Oh fuck! What did Louis tell you?” Zayn asked warily

Liam smirked, driving Zayn crazy with the mischievous glint in his eyes.”Well I’m paraphrasing a little here, but he told me that you might have mentioned that I was the most beautiful thing you’d ever seen and I was your perfect man.”

Zayn blanched “The fuck?! He actually told you that? Oh my God!” Zayn raised a hand to his forehead, hiding his eyes “I’m actually going to kill that son of a fuck nut!”

Liam smiled as he reached to pull Zayn’s hand away from his face “It’s ok, I think it’s kind nice, flattering really.”

“I’m still going to kill him though.” Zayn said through clenched teeth “Trust me, that mofo is going  to die.”

“Who is going to die?” Louis asked, pulling himself up on to the bar stool next to Zayn.

“You! You balls-mc-penis! You told him that I thought he was the most beautiful man ever?”

“Ohhhhh that.” Louis grinned “It’s true though. And you’ve been telling me I need to tell the truth more.”

“Well....ah, fuck you!”

“I win” Louis said triumphantly “But come now, we need to go.”

“Go?” Zayn asked “But I thought you were getting it on with that yellow chick.”

“Funny story, turns out she thought Niall would turn straight for her or some shit so he decided to really point out that he’s gay and well, since he’s had a bit to drink, yeh, that brings us the to we gotta go part.”

Zayn groaned “What did he do now?”

“He may or may not have taken his shirt off and jumped behind the bar and started making out with and obscenely grinding up against Harry.....”

“Fuck!”

“Yeh.....so yeh, we gotta grab rapey Niall and head out.” Louis said, scratching his neck “Nice meeting you though Liam!”

Zayn sighed “Yeh, so we gotta go now......I’m sorry about, well, everything. But it was nice to meet you.” He also said to Liam.

“Wait! Here, give me your number.” Liam said as he handed Zayn his phone. “You guys seem cool, a bit crazy, but I like crazy.”

“Here you go” Zayn said, handing Liam back his phone “You might regret this.”

“I highly doubt that.” Liam reassured with a warm smile.

~~

“Fuck me! Remind me never to drink with gay Niall in public again!” Louis said as he flopped on to the sofa in their lounge. “So how’d things go with you and Payne??”

“You and I are never speaking of this, ever!” Zayn yelled from the kitchen. “I don’t believe you told him all that!”

“Babe, get me a water would you?” Louis yelled back, waiting till Zayn reappeared in the lounge with two bottles of water before continuing “It helped you though, he was completely enamoured with you by the time we left.”

Zayn reached over to flick Louis in the ear “Fuck you, stop using big words, that’s my thing. And how did you help anything?”

Louis sighed “He was completely, 100% checking you out before you went for your smoke, but your disappearing made it look like you couldn’t give a shit about him, so I had to do something about it.”

“Lou, you are crazy, that isn’t an explanation!”

“Did he not ask for your number when we left? Louis asked.

“Yes...” Zayn said the reluctance obvious in his tone.

“See! Don’t ever doubt my skills Malik, there is a reason why Niall gets laid so much, I am the ideal wingman!”

~~

20 minutes later as Zayn was brushing his teeth, he heard his phone go off. Figuring it was just Niall complaining about being horny again, he just left it.

“Zayn!” he heard Louis calling from the lounge.

“Bathroom!” he yelled back.

“Zayn!” Louis’ yelling was accompanied by the sound of his running, feet thumping loudly in their quiet flat.

“What Lou?”

“Look!” his friend yelled, shoving his phone into his hands, a message open “What did I tell you, best wingman ever!”

_‘Hi  Zayn, Liam here. Since I didn’t get a chance to say it earlier, thought I’d just let you know, I think you the most beautiful, perfect looking man too. I hope u dont mind me using yr words here. Even though its not box seats, wld u like to come to my game nxt week? U can bring yr gay friends too.’_

Zayn grinned before replying Liam with _‘yes definitely’_ , his hands shaking with excitement.

“What did I tell you, I’m the world’s most perfect wingman.” Louis crowed “but congrats mate! You might finally get to see with Payne looks like with no shirt on and if you play your cards right; you might even get to see him naked!”

“Shut up!” Zayn hissed, attempting to shove Louis in the side. But Louis just giggled and steppd out of the way.

“Oh fuck, now you do realise Niall when Niall hears about this, he will want to go back next week to find some rugby ass of his own...."

**Author's Note:**

> for more visit my tumblr - www.sweetmysterie.tumblr.com


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